Taco Bell’s Diablo Sauce was advertised to be an even spicier sauce for your favorite Taco Bell foods! With a nice blend of spices, peppers, and all the right juices, Diablo Sauce was to enhance your Taco Bell experience. Unfortunately, it was only around for a limited time, and the spicy goodness was discontinued at most Taco Bell restaurants. The panic that surged across the world was overwhelming. Taco Bell lovers cried as the packets of sauce were pulled from the shelves. The streets were (metaphorically) filled with the screams of despair from sauce lovers. People scrambled to online stores just to buy packets of Diablo Sauce to satisfy their spicy saucy pleasures. It was official. The world could not function without the sauce.
It was around this time Taco Bell knew…
Diablo Sauce needed to make a serious comeback.
May 5th, 2016, Diablo Sauce was put back onto the shelves at every Taco Bell restaurant. Spicy sauce lovers cheered joyfully as the sauce made its triumphant return. Taco Bell lovers were happy again as they slathered Diablo Sauce on their cheap Mexican foods.
But is it spicy?
I, Kane Edwards, head food critic Braydon Wilson, and head chef Trey Owens always crave food knowledge because knowledge is power in the world of all things delicious. To celebrate Taco Tuesday, our small team decided that Taco Bell would be the perfect place to celebrate the weekly occasion. Excited about the glorious return of the Diablo Sauce, we were more than eager to drown out tacos in the spicy saucy goodness. This is when Kane remembered his little bottle of Flashbang that had been sitting on his nightstand for a few months.
Flashbang is a hot sauce that is not to be taken lightly. Cautioning tasters of dreadful side effects (sweating, loss of consciousness, vomiting), it is crafted out of the hottest peppers known to mankind. This hot sauce will knock the socks off of anyone who is brave enough to try and tame its fiery beauty.
There is no sauce that is too hot for the True Fast Food team. No heat will singe away our love for food, nor our continuous hunger for food knowledge. The three of us sang our team motto as we walked into the doors of our Taco Bell:
“Eat big! Eat big! Eat big!”
We ordered nine tacos, three soft and six crunchy. Upon getting our order, however, we received six soft tacos and three crunchy. Taco Bell had one job, and they destroyed any hope of redeeming themselves ever again after this fatal mistake. After a brief discussion, we decided against taking our food back, because we are decent people and don’t like to cause a ruckus. Each of us received three tacos. Two for hot sauces, and one in case of emergency. We spent a few minutes mentally preparing ourselves of the eating of spicy tacos.
The sauces were drizzled onto our food, and the eating began.
And so did the tears.
To start off a bit calmer, we decided to eat a taco with the Diablo Sauce first. The Diablo Sauce ranks at about 350 thousand Scoville Units, which is a small package of hot compared to Flashbang. The Diablo Sauce is crafted with spicy ingredients: aji panca, chipotle, and chili peppers. Sounds spicy, right?
Braydon, Trey and I each took a bite of Diablo taco, savoring each bite of the spicy goodness. Once one bite was consumed, another soon followed.
And yet, another mouthful of taco.
After finishing our Diablo tacos, we came to a delicious conclusion: the Diablo Sauce from Taco Bell was very tasty, and it was very fun to eat on a cheap taco.
But… Was it actually spicy?
Trey had lots to say about the saucy goodness that is, indeed, a saucy disappointment. “I’ll admit,” he said. “The Diablo Sauce is good, no doubt. However, we aren’t here to see if the sauce is delicious. We are here to test it on its spiciness. And if you want my honest opinion, it is not.”
Braydon nodded his head. “Yeah, I agree. The sauce tastes too strong on vinegar. I’m not gonna say it doesn’t have a little heat, but it definitely should be hotter than that.”
With those words of food wisdom being said, it was time to commence in the consumption of a meaner, scarier, hotter sauce.
Flashbang has immense bragging rights in the hot sauce world. Ranking in at 3.5 million Scoville Units, it ranks higher than the ghost pepper (1 million Scoville Units) and Taco Bell’s Diablo Sauce. Being made with habanero peppers, ghost peppers, moruga scorpion peppers, and reaper peppers, we were definitely a bit shaken to learn that we were in possession of such a powerful condiment. The three of us gazed upon the bottled fire sauce in awe.
Braydon claimed he was not a weenie, and said he would be the first to try some. Despite his braveness, I took matters into my own hands. I dripped a small drop of Flashbang onto my soft taco (which I swear made a sizzle sound as it hit the surface of my taco), took a deep breath, and bit into the taco.
Unfortunately, there are no words to describe the pain and agony I went through after biting into that death taco. Luckily, Trey was nearby with his camera and captured a few pictures of my pain and misery.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, these would be filled with words of negativity, pain, and a fear of death.
It was like tasting the spicy tears of Satan.
Up next in our Flashbang torture – uh, taste test, is the Food Dood himself: Braydon.
Braydon seemingly laughed in the face of death as he mocked the bottle of sauce before him. “I think I’ve had hotter!” he laughed. Braydon grabbed the bottle of sauce and smeared a metric butt-ton of sauce on his taco. Braydon smiled as he took a bite out of the deadly taco.
About halfway through, however, it was obvious Braydon could feel the burn. His eyes watered slightly, his face turned red, and you could see the look of fear in his eyes. Despite being on the verge of death, Braydon continued to eat bite after bite of his taco. After a full minute of eating the Flashbang taco, he shoved the last bit of floppy tortilla in in mouth. As soon as he made his last bite, he grasped his emergency taco and proceeded to shove it into his mouth. You can see the look of desperation in his eyes as he bites into his life saving soft taco.
Despite the smile on Braydon’s face after eating his emergency taco, these two images that were taken right after prove that Braydon was, indeed, not ok.
May God have mercy on his soul.
When asked how hot Flashbang was, Braydon responded with one simple word: “Hot.”
Finally, Trey Owens had decided he was man enough to try this monster sauce. Using his precise sauce dropping abilities, Trey manages to drop only two morsels of the Flashbang onto his taco. “I can’t take spicy things very well.” Trey admitted. Surprisingly, Trey proceeded with the challenge.
We captured the exact moment the sauce did its work on Trey after taking his first bite.
Trey made a terrible mistake.
The next half hour that went by was a blur of frantic movements, choking sounds, and the desperate flapping of arms that all belonged to a suffering Trey Owens. Just a few drops of Flashbang were all it took to send Trey into a disarray. His eggnog soon disappeared down his throat, but the heat came on stronger and more ferocious, increasing the burning pain in Trey’s mouth every passing second.
Flashbang was just now heating up.
And Trey was not ready to suffer the consequences of his actions.
Trey ran to the soda machine for ice cubes, only to discover tragically that the ice machine was, unfortunately for him, out of ice.
You can see the fear in his eyes as he loses all hope of surviving.
Eventually, after eating a cup full of ice and stepping outside, Trey had finally regained his composure and will to keep living.
The final results:
Trey barely survived the incident.
Taco Bell’s Diablo Sauce can be nice and tasty if you just want a little kick in the consumption of your floppy cheap tacos, but it is far from the true spice of life people crave in spicy foods. If you’re looking for a truly hot sauce, look no further than Flashbang.
Even though True Fast Food barely survived this deadly sauce, we anticipate a gruesome competitor that can soon be titled “Truly Hot Sauce”.